The Birds!

A noticeable lull hit in November and I had nothing to tell, self induced or turkey induced the daze is gone and life hurls at me like a giant snowball; or a pigeon at the Salt Lake City Library (winner of the 2006 Best Library award). Back to the pigeons.

I work with someone who finds flying birds terrifying. And birds prancing on the ground? Just a prelude to disaster, something I forgot one blustery December morning. As I encouraged a fast pace to the car my friend's limbs locked in terror.

Once I realized she wasn't by my side I doubled back to be greeted with a cry of despair and death grip around my diaphragm. It did slow the breathing process and served as a not so gentle reminder of her bird fear. It also pushed me over because she tried to bury her head inside my chest cavity. Thankfully my skin wouldn't give, neither did my ribs, but my spine took the brunt force and bent into a yoga move I've yet to name.

To counter this attack I used my best sweet and confident voice to reassure her that pigeons don't attack people. You will be ok I chanted. Until I looked behind her and found a bird hovering over her head. Panicked I rearranged body into another unknown yoga position and tried to pry her off me while shooing the bird. A balancing act on ice.

The more I threw my arm at the pigeon the bigger it grew. Its chest puffed up to the size of a balloon and its talons became finger-like. My friend's straw colored haired head looked like the perfect nest for that pigeon. I'm not even sure they nest, but obviously it was deranged. Pigeons are not supposed to land on people's head. And library pigeons should be the tamest.

Alfred Hitchcock knew something I have only recently discovered.