Smelling Something Fishy

I'm not sure where to even begin. I guess at the beginning but when that was I don't know. The problem with a lack of a dependable smeller is that I can't remember when it was dependable. Years ago if ever. And then my witch doctor gave me some drops for my stomach which actually cleared up my ever-present allergies. The result? I could smell, I could breathe, I could sleep face down in a goose-down pillow without choking.

When the drops ran out I had two days of good smelling followed by days of glitches. My sniffer fades in and out, mostly out.

A blessing when some pleasant but noisome neighbors moved in downstairs. I only suffered for three days (three long days where every smell plowed me over, my stomach churned and my mouth watered wickedly at each new venue and greeting each new person). My roommates have further complaints.

A couple nights ago the sniffer came back. In a crowded movie theater as I sat down between some friends and a stranger wearing some brand of grandmothery flower power perfume. I lurched a little in my seat, tensed up tilted my head and twisted my face into a complex look of horror, amazement, disgust and fear. Imagine a little kid sucking a lemon, the girl from the Exorcist with a twisting head and a wrinkled pig-like nose. Non-fiction isn't always pretty.

In the midst of my reaction Sharlee leaned over to ask what was wrong. I didn't even have to say anything because she answered herself by noting the strong odor. Then a new friend leaned over to exclaim, LOUDLY:

"Is it that girl's perfume? Does she need to move down one? Is it making you sick? Is it a bad smell? Just tell her to come sit over here."

While the rest of the theater stared us down Sharlee and I giggled in a lower volume.

And then to add injury I moved.

But that's not the oohhh moment of this story. Two days later I'm sitting in a kitchen with some corn boiling on the stove. From another room, a ways off, comes an urgent question, "Is something burning?"

I reassuringly said no because I couldn't smell anything. A look in the pot confirmed my lost sense. I may never wear perfume again or sit by anyone who is because that smell overwhelms me. However, a fire can claim my life as the smell of burning passes undetected.

Dark Classics

In October the summer heat burns out, the days shorten and I have an entire month to scare myself. Haunted houses, horror stories, scary movies, late night graveyard expeditions…wait that’s a little too Goth for me. But there was that time in Dublin. I convinced the lads to take me to a graveyard because the only haunted house they had over there was a place of devil worship. So we broke into the cemetery and checked out some freshly dug graves instead. My pride pushed me a mile deep into the rows of death and adrenaline kicked into over drive as I ran out after one of the boys jumped out to scare me.

It was also in Dublin that I surfed the web constantly looking for fun new games. After playing hours of text twist and bejeweled (both the autumn edition and the Halloween special with candy corn) I stumbled across a ridiculous riddle of horror: fifty horror classics thrown into a freaky 18th Century painting all to promote M&M’s Dark. I got down to the last seven and ended up doing some intense detective work to unscramble the meaning.

While completing the puzzle I’d look up the movies I hadn’t seen. Funny how doing that in the early morning hours surrounded by ceiling to floor glass windows in a mansion can freak you out. Think nothing of the moaning winds. Then when I’d huddle under the covers in my bed I’d hear footsteps running across the patio roof above me and clanging from the iron stairs that spiraled in front of my bedroom window. And still I loved it. Really it wasn’t worse than the fist sized spiders I’d wake up to. Try sleeping when you’re terrified you’ll find one giving you a morning kiss.

In tradition of the great neurotic minds I will play the trivia game again. And because I’ve forgotten the obscure films it will be just as good as the first time.




us.mms.com/us/dark/dark_game.jspa